Claire Wieman, LCSW, Evo-Life, PLLC

Personal Power: part 1- the strengths link

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 20:18:29 -0700

(you can also watch this presentation on our Youtube channel)

Dear Claire ,

I feel so frustrated by the ups and downs of my attitudes about myself, and my behaviors towards my life goals. Some days I have so much self belief, and feel like I can accomplish anything. Then other days, it's like I am in complete sabotage mode, I feel frozen with fear and am left not really liking myself that much. How can I more consistently access my own person power, both to achieve my life goals, and just to like the person who I look at in the mirror?

Sincerely,
Pleading for Personal Power
Ballston Lake, NY

Dear Pleading,

What an honest, vulnerable, and thought-provoking question about the dynamic concept of “Personal Power”! As I began crafting my response, I realized this topic is so robust and multilayered that it could fill an entire book!

So with that in mind, I’ve decided to break my response down into a series of letters back to you instead, each letter addressing a different subtopic linking back to the theme of Personal Power. Over the next week or so, I’ll post these Personal Power-themed letter responses on the Clairapy blog, and maybe chit chat about it on our social media channels! I’d love to hear which concepts resonate...Read More

"My partner's needs are so annoying... but then again, maybe it's just me."

Sun, 08 Aug 2021 19:18:18 -0700

"Dear Claire,

My partner's emotional needs and requests of me tend to annoy me.

On the one hand, they are probably not THAT unreasonable, but on the other hand, I sometimes feel resistant to just provide what is being asked of me, even if it's not that hard to do. How do I know whether this is "my issue" and something I need to work on, versus a sign that my partners expectations of me are unreasonable and/or unrealistic? And even if I actually knew who's the one with the problem, what do I do?

How do you know if they are just simply just the wrong person for you?"

-KA

Dear KA,

I could keep it simple and respond "I'm sure the truth is in the middle, and what you should do is compromise,"

...but this is an advice column, and not only would that would be fairly boring advice, but life is rarely ever that simple anyway!

So let's look at the situation from a few different angles, and see what resonates for you.

Thinking about you and the behavior your partner is speaking about.... is their request, need, or perceived relationship deficit a theme that tends to show up in other areas of your life?

Meaning- in your other close relationships or primary environments (think work, family of origin, school, sports teams, etc.), are there common themes about you...Read More

Transitions are a real bitch.

Tue, 15 Jun 2021 10:56:28 -0700

"Dear Claire, I just started a new job and I feel totally out of sorts and almost like I'm losing control. I'm worried that my new boss doesn't like or respect me as much as my old boss did. Now I'm questioning everything and I feel

worried that I made the wrong decision in switching jobs. When I get like this, along with just feeling emotionally awful, I worry that I will start making mistakes and sabotage my success at my new job. What should I do now that I'm in so deep?? Help!" -JT

Dear JT,Thank you for writing! I have a few thoughts to share with you that I hope you find helpful.

I noticed that you said "when I get like this," which makes me think that this uncomfortable feeling is a feeling you are familiar with. When you think about the other times in your life that you felt like this, does the memory connect with a transitional time that you went through? Or flip it around- when you think back on the major transitions that you have gone through in your life, do you recall having similar feelings?

My guess is yes. The feelings that you are describing are very consistent with what many people experience during life transitions. Here are a few tips that may help you think through your current angst with fresh perspective.

1) Comfort and attachment with the familiar:

Your discomfort currently may reflect a level of comfort and attachment to your previous situation. Change- even a positive change, is still a loss. In order to walk through a new door, we have to close the previous one. We human beings are designed biologically to bring forth tremendous adaptation amidst adversity to keep us as safe and comfortable as...Read More